Death and Haruhi Suzumiya
by The Legate
Summary: Haruhi misses an SOS Brigade meeting, Koizumi and the other members report a huge influx of Closed Spaces and Kyon cant remember the date. What the hell is going on? Death himself must intervene if he is to avoid Haruhi's new world and actual work.
1. In Medias Res

**Prologue/In Medias Res**

_The following is a fan fiction based on Haruhi Suzumiya written by Nagara Tanigaru. I make no claim of ownership over the source material nor the characters within. _

_..._

The sky had turned a shade of grey with a distinctive wash of black coming in from the east. I felt tiny droplets of rain trickle through my hair and then down my cheek. Weather here was bad but at the time I was very happy that I had personified with a sweater and a large black jacket. I wasn't going to say anything about the weather though. I was going to leave these two for their moment. I couldn't interfere if I wanted to, Kyon would have to go it alone.

Across the field of bones and monuments Haruhi stood over an unremarkable grave. I'm sorry for saying that, it's a lie. There is no such thing as an unremarkable grave. At one time or another groups of people have given their loved ones a burial, a long lasting monument; a testament that they lived. That's beautiful to me, it really is. George Fabricius once said that great achievements build monuments that will stand until the sun grows cold. I'm sorry George, but you're dead wrong. Life is its own achievement; its own monument that will outlast the universe. I should know.

"Is this it?" Kyon turned to me and panicked at what he saw.


	2. Chapter 1: Mr Orange

**Chapter I: Mr Orange**

I didn't want to get involved with Haruhi Suzumiya and that...situation. I knew of her and of what she could do but at the time it wasn't really my concern. The SOS Brigade and the three organisations that supported it seemed to be working well in keeping her from remodelling the universe, which would have given me a lot more work to do. I knew of Kyon as well, and I trusted him to keep her from slipping into melancholy.

Hopefully you can imagine why I decided not to involve myself in these affairs. In my view there simply was no real need. Everything was going great without me. I had work to do in my full time job anyway and well, keeping tabs on one anthropomorphic personification would have been another job that I simply didn't have time for; I couldn't do it. If I had neglected my work it would be horrible there would have been zombies.

I thought that as long as 'Kyon' continued doing whatever it was that he was doing everything would have worked out alright. That was until the thing happened. Until a problem arose that required my 'management' skills. This problem started a little something like this;

"Kyon," Haruhi said on Thursday lunchtime in their small corner of that small classroom. He turned around to face her. I thought she looked sad.

"What?" I always thought that Kyon was over stressed, too serious. Even before he had abandoned dreams of the alien, supernatural and really interesting, before he met Sasaki Kyon took life far too seriously. Still, a serious outlook does give one something of a balanced view of things I find.

"Tell Koizumi he's in charge of the brigade meeting until next week. I'm not coming in," She said silently, not a whisper but almost quieter and with less emotion. Intrigued, Kyon turned his chair around fully. A few of his classmates noticed, some even said things but Kyon didn't notice.

"What's up?" He asked. Haruhi didn't reply, she simply shrugged and looked away.

Before he could ask again the class Sempai returned and bid everyone to return to their assigned seating arrangements. Teachers always seem to be able to do that in the most important times. Maybe they have a sixth sense about it? Next time I meet a teacher I'll ask.

It's probably more likely that Haruhi pushed time forward slightly so that she wouldn't have to answer Kyon's questions. That's the trouble with arguing with anthropomorphic personifications, especially ones who can bend reality. No matter how many feet you give they will always end up taking your leg, both leg's if you're really unlucky. You've got to hand it to Kyon though; the poor boy does try very hard.

They spent the rest of the day in silence; Kyon sat and just starred forward. Whilst Haruhi kept her eyes fixed on her desk. She looked up a few times, she even considered tapping on his collar. She did nothing though. After class she quickly collected her books, bag and coat and left the classroom with a door slam. I tell you, hell hath no fury like a female anthropomorphic personification who's being ignored.

Kyon, wonderful little human that he is, knew that a distressed Haruhi would undoubtedly cause the phenomenon known as 'Closed Space' but, he also correctly assumed that confronting an angry Haruhi at that time would only cause greater destruction. No one was going home that night at the Esper organisation. So he did what he was told.

I watched Kyon as he made his way across the school, noting his thought patterns and such like. Although this was my second meeting with Kyon (we had had a brush several years earlier when he and his father were nearly killed in a car crash. Everyone survived but I was there at the time just to make sure everything was going smooth) I was still surprised by how many of his thoughts were just plain lies. In fact, if I didn't know any better I could have sworn that Kyon was narrating something, albeit badly or at least being unreliable about it. What a strange fellow.

"Yo," He announced as he entered the even smaller room that they used for club meetings.

What was it with these people and incredibly small rooms? Do they like being this close to one another? I don't know about you but for me getting into one of these modern Japanese high schools is very tight across the chest, like an old jumper that your grandmother knitted, but based off of last Christmas' measurements .

The red headed girl, the one who hasn't been born yet seemed happy to see Kyon. He certainly seemed happy to see her.

"Miss Asahina-san, Nagato-San...Koizumi; Haruhi has elected to not attend club meetings for the next two days,"

"Yes, we know," Koizumi said as he placed his book on the table. His tone suddenly went very serious. "We need to talk." Kyon, in the most casual way possible for a man who may have stumbled upon the meeting for planning permission for Armageddon sat down directly across from Koizumi. Mikuru Asahina made the tea.

"Nagato reports huge amounts of data centred on Ms Suzumiya as well as more superfluous information converging on her proximity," Koizumi said. He's an arse kisser but you do have to give the lad that; when it matters he is down to the point. "To put it simply; our universe may soon be re-written."

I want you to understand, clearly that I'm not under the influence; I have no problem with Haruhi Suzumiya re-writing the universe to her whims. No, in many cases this brings back things that I think shouldn't have gone in the first place such as Magic, Pirates, The Peter Gabriel era of Genesis etc. Indeed, I and my siblings have been known to re-write reality ourselves. However, in Haruhi's case this would constitute a massive disruption of the natural order of things; new people and people who should be here aren't anymore. It's all superfluous work that doesn't really need to be done if I can avoid it. That's why I decided that the best thing to do at this point in time would be to help Kyon and the rest of the SOS brigade.

But I'm getting a head of myself, I'm sorry. Kyon didn't seem to respond to this information at all. In fact he seemed to be almost relieved at this information. Strange as it sounds I think he was happier now that he knew what was going to happen.

"I see," I heard him think. "Asahina-san, what do your people say?"

"Classified Information reports that Haruhi Suzumiya is preparing a classified information type classified information that will ultimately lead to a level omicron classified information, which could affect the whole of classified information."

I know that you want to know what she just said and I know that you know that I could tell you what she just said but honestly, nothing she just said could measure up to what you think she said. Just run with what you think she said and you'll be happy. Or something like that.

"And so, we have decided that you, as the one for whom Suzumiya places the most trust in must the one to investigate the matter and alleviate the matter."

"Isn't it always me?" Kyon thought to himself. "What do you suggest?"

"The last time you merely needed to sleep on it for Haruhi to involve you in her dreams..." Kyon suddenly got very annoyed. "My apologies, 'for Haruhi to involve you in the incident involving the closed space', perhaps this time you should try the same?"

Don't get me wrong. Kyon and the other three horsemen of the funpocolypse are a very competent bunch of mortals. But mortals is all they really are, even Yuki Nagato (who, while will not be dying in the physical sense will one day become corrupted or be decompiled) and if they went down this route and waited I believe that they'd end up with a new universe to deal with.

They don't understand Gods or Godlike creatures and I suspect that Kyon doesn't really understand women. No, if the universe is to survive unchanged and if I were to avoid doing much more work than usual then I would have to get Kyon in gear.

I had to wait a few hours before I could appear in a form that Kyon would be comfortable with (as opposed to forms that he would be uncomfortable with such as the Grim Reaper or H'ronmeer; ancient Martian God of Death and Performance Art), when the death toll had 'quietened down' across the globe. Times like these are rare but they do occur, mostly around British tea time. A small child opened their front door. Telepathy is dangerous for humans and I couldn't risk turning his into mushy carrots.

"Hello...er little girl," I said to the little girl in Nipponese. I think she was his sister. "Is your brother here?"

"Ermm...who should I say it is?"

"Oh, my name is Mr Orange...I'm here from erm, Selwyn College. I'm here to tell your brother that we're very interested in him attending our University," God that was a terrible lie...I've never even been to Selwyn.

"Oh," She said. "Okay." She turned her attention away from the doorway. "Kyon there's a mister Orenji here to see you."

It's strange; this standing business. You've got to put your centre of gravity into a central spot and keep it there. If you fail at this you just end up on the floor or worse, on the cusp of falling onto the floor with everyone watching you; trapezes act if there ever was one. That's not even starting on the situation wherein your standing and other people are walking past you; it's all so very awkward. I don't know how you people stand standing all day, more power to you if you can actually do it all day and somehow keep your dignity intact.

"Yo," Kyon said as he came to the door. Whether it was because he had seen too much in such a short space of time or whether because he had seen Reservoir Dogs recently I really don't think he believed my story. "So which one are you; Esper, Alien or time traveller?"

"Excuse me?"

"...Or are you a slider? She's wanted to meet a slider since the day I met her."

"I'm sorry? I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Professor Henry Orange, I'm from Selwyn College, Oxford and I'm here to tell you that we're very inte..."

"No, you're not. I don't know who you are but you're definitely not 'Professor Henry Orange' from Selwyn College so why don't you just stop this charade and just tell me who you are," Kyon said. You've got to give Kyon some points, the man can see through an illusion.

"Alright," I replied and the world stopped.

Throughout the universe time suddenly stopped. Birds' wings stopped flapping, rain stopped dead in its tracks, bicycle races were halted; my will be done and all that. Kyon stood in his doorway, amazed at the world stopped in place. With all the things that that boy has seen you would have thought that it would have been more difficult to impress him. I had hoped that I would've had to rearrange a few galaxies, oh well. You can't win 'em all.

"What the..."

"Kyon, I'm not going to lie to you," I said. "I was lying to you. By which I mean I am now going to stop lying to you." I'm sorry Kyon, I'm not very good at speaking. "I have many names; Azrael, Hades, Iku, Thanatos, Erio...even Izanami when I feel like wearing different clothes. You know me as Shiganami."

"So, that means you're...?"

"Death," _oo-la-la that's me! _

Kyon stopped dead in his tracks. For the longest time he didn't say anything. I thought I might have accidently stopped him too. I poked him on the nose just to be sure.

"Ow," No, he was still here; just a little awestruck. I would be too if I had just met me. "Stop that."

"Sorry about that, had to make sure that you weren't frozen." I pulled my finger back.

"Have you...accidently frozen people in time...when you wanted to speak to them before?"

"It has happened...have you ever seen Martin Freeman?"I replied.

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter," I replied. "Happened on a Thursday anyway...could never get the hang of Thursday's," Kyon, what are you looking at?

"You're Death...and you never got Thursday's!" He screamed, "What in all the Universe, and all the multi-verses endless permutations could Death want with me this; Thursday afternoon?"

"Calm down mate...if you keep yourself at that level you mister are looking at an early grave," I replied. "Anyway, I don't really have anything I want from you. I want to speak to you about Haruhi Suzumiya."

He sighed. It was the sigh of the man who was screaming 'Doesn't everyone want to speak to me about her, what about me' in his head. Maybe I should have lied and said I was the slider, just to give the whole occasion a sense of finality. I suppose hindsight is 20/20 though isn't it?

"So, 'Death', if you are in fact 'Death' what is it about Haruhi that has brought you to me?"

"Why would I lie? What could I possibly gain from pretending to be myself?" I asked.

"I don't know, maybe you have some hidden motive. Maybe you're an enemy of the real Death, who would be weakened by me helping you."

"Alright...as you know, she is about to renovate the universe once again."

"And you don't want this?"

"No," I replied. "Whatever you and the rest of your species thinks I do not in fact enjoy reaping souls from the living, nor do I look forward to doing it for seven billion people and then making them born again. Can you imagine how hard that is to explain to people? Do you have any idea of how much paper work that creates?"

"No, I don't." He replied begrudgingly.

"No Kyon, you don't...and this is exactly the reason why I'm going to help you stop Haruhi from rearranging the natural order of things for the thousandth bloody time."

"Where do we start?" The river of time began to flow once again.

"We still have roughly a day until the universe get's renovated, so I suggest we start at the lady's house."

"I don't really where she lives," Kyon replied.

"I do," I replied. "I've been there before."

_**Author's notes:**__ Well what did you think? Good/bad/ugly/stop writing stories for this fandom? _

_I thought it came off quite well however I'm aware that there is some Mary Sue-ism inherent in my portrayal of the anthropomorphic personification of Death in this chapter. I've got about 2,000 words written for the next chapter and I think there it becomes much more apparent that Death has its limits; especially in regards to when he tried to encroach upon Haruhi's power. Also, this is based off of Anime cannon but I will try to include Novel cannon when applicable_.

Originally this was supposed to be one large chapter but I felt that if it were broken up a bit more then it would be easier to digest for the audience and easier to write for me. I don't expect it to be a very long fic. 10,000-12,000 words is sort of the top of the range in terms of word count.

Thank you very much for reading this prologue and first chapter and I would be very thankful if you would please review; every tip hopefully makes my writing better.


	3. Chapter 2: The Bar Just on the Outside

**Chapter II: The Bar Just on the Outside of the Universe**

* * *

><p>I, for lack of a better term am Death. The ferryman, I'm the anthropomorphic personification of the process of life leaving this reality for parts new. But when you think about it, really think about it you can't have life without death, they're simply different sides of the same coin. With that in mind then, yes, off course I've been to Haruhi Suzumiya's house before. I'm everywhere...I see everything.<p>

The Suzumiya residence is yet another small building like every other house in Nishinomiya. There's a garden, which is home to a lovely family of slugs, four walls, a slightly dilapidated roof, two floors (four if you count the attic and cellar), a driveway and an old motorcycle that sits in that driveway as well as. It's all very nice to be honest.

Despite his insistence that he didn't have any idea where Haruhi lived Kyon was lying. The house was only a few streets away from his home. He probably knew exactly where she lived but never liked to admit it himself. It's all a part of him being an unreliable narrator I suppose.

"So," I said as we walked through the town, "How did you know that I what telling fibs?"

"Excuse me?"

"Lies, Kyon. How did you know I was lying?"

"Ah; you made three main mistakes. Selwyn college is a Cambridge College, not an Oxford University college; you called yourself Mr Orange."

"Henry Orange could be a really common name for all you know," I pressed on.

"And then there's the fact that you look exactly like Tim Roth." _Bastardo_. I just know that somewhere in that boy's small bedroom there's a burnt from overuse copy of Reservoir Dogs.

"We have a...agreement," I said "Tim and I. He lets me use his form when I have to do leg work and I let him use the pale steed whenever he can't find his passport."

"Sounds like a nice working relationship."

"It is," I replied as we entered Suzumiya's street. "He always cleans it after he's used it."

We continued on through the street until I suddenly stopped; without either of us noticing a large black fluctuating cloud had covered the sun. The smell of Death was in the aether. In the distance I could hear the distinct chorus of a murder of crows. Kyon stopped with me.

"What is it?" He asked me.

"I've got to go," I said. "I'm sorry but something's happened and I've got to look into it. I'm so sorry; you'll be able to handle things won't you?" He nodded. "Right, see you later. I'll be right back if anything happens," and then I went to work.

It's not just humans that I care for, it's everything; people and planets and stars and galaxies and eventually I'll be the one to turn the lights off at the end of the universe. It should be me, to be honest; I saw the beginning of creation I should be there at the end. Captain goes down with the ship, right? Well, Death goes down with the Universe.

I don't know how long I had been working when I suddenly felt a great deal of anger directed towards Kyon. I sped back to Haruhi's home from the job; the death of the first Dragon born on a distant moon of a distant star. A sad time, a job that I would have loved to spend a lot longer on but needs must.

I found Haruhi and Kyon standing in her living room, he stood away from her at the end of her finger. She looked very angry.

"I'll give you a brigade penalty so bad your descendants in the forty first millennium..." She screamed at him.

'Stuff' was swirling around her, forming, collapsing, swirling; it was all very mesmerising. I don't think Kyon could see it. Humans can't see much to be honest (poor you, limited to the EM spectrum) but take it from me to you as the gospel truth it looked beautiful; like the God of kaleidoscopes. I didn't have time to access the situation, she was going to remove him and that...well, that would have meant more work. I grabbed the idiot by his tie and made off for dear life.

I couldn't let Kyon stay on Earth; Haruhi would delete him faster than a speeding tachyon.

"Where are...?" Kyon said as we stopped. We were in the middle of a black void.

"What the bloody hell happened?" I screamed back at him. "I leave you for less than ten minutes to talk to her and you hasten the apocalypse!" I rubbed this form's head with my hand and considered what to do. "We're...we're in the Bar Just on the Outside of the Universe."

"But it just looks black..." Suddenly the bar took form around him. Kyon seemed to be surprised at its appearance.

"It's a personification, it looks like whatever the viewer wants it to look like," I said, exhaled lead him through the bar; to a table in the back.

The Establishment went by many names to many people; to the Norse and their Gods it was Valhalla, to the ancient Semitic civilisations it was Sodom (due to a mistranslation of Management's traditional greeting of 'Sod off!'). I use the term 'Bar Just on the Outside of the Universe' in recognition of the writer of 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. Before I met Doug I just called it **THAT PLACE**. Not many people ever actually see The Bar. Sure there are a few, now and again, but mostly these are people who have been caught on my coat tails and who need talking down whilst their body is looked after.

"We don't serve your kind here!" The Bar tender shouted at Kyon. He turned around to face the bartender but didn't dare speak when he saw the creatures face.

"It's alright Dio. He's with me," I said to Dionysus the bartender. The old God groaned and turned back to his taps. I lead Kyon on, before he incurred the wrath of nay more deities. "Don't mind him. The pagans have gotten uptight since the Abrahamic deity took over the majority; just don't make eye contact and you'll be fine."

For the higher beings such as myself 'The Bar' resembles a sort of cloud that looks like a bit like a multi coloured neon fountain with colours coming out of every...no, that's not what it looks like at all. I can't communicate it to you. The appearance for humans differed on a person by person basis. I didn't ask Kyon what he saw. We sat down. Kyon looked gaunt for a moment.

"Okay," Kyon said. "Just so I'm fully aware of this situation, just one more time."

"Alright,"

"Miss Asahina is a time traveller, Nagato is a replicant or at least the alien version...Koizumi is an Esper..."

"Yes..."

"...And according to you; you are the anthropomorphic personification of Death."

"Yes. Are you having trouble with all of this? I would have thought that with all your business with Miss Suzumiya you'd be used to dealing with powers that dwarf those of your friends..."

"Yes but that's different...first that was a black, space void then this is a bar...you are Death."

"In space, Kyon, _no one can hear you scheme_."

"What?"

"Nothing...Why is it different? You've seen higher beings than yourself carve out private realms within reality. I am a Higher Being and this is a private realm...just on the outside of reality...and it's a shared one."

"You're not very...Death either," He said. "For one thing you don't have a hood or a scythe..."

**IS THAT BETTER MORTAL?**

I'm going to be honest with you; I did chuckle at the sight of Kyon panicking at the sight of me wearing that old Halloween.

"I can appear in that form; and in many cases I do," I said as I set the scythe down onto the table. "But I thought that it would be very diplomatically if I appeared in the guise of my good friend Tim Roth."

"Alright," He replied. "So why did you lie to my sister?"

"Because 'Kyon' lying is a skill like any other and like any other must be practiced if you're ever going to get good at it," I said. "Now tell me what happened..."

Another entity suddenly appeared, a human soul but not like Kyon's; a dead one. I don't know where it came from or how it got here but I didn't think it meant Kyon any harm. It floated over to our table whilst the other patrons looked on.

"What the?"

"Don't touch it," I told Kyon. "It doesn't mean us any harm."

"How do you know?"

"It can't hurt me and I have no intention of taking your soul so what's the problem?" Vulcan level logic if I do say so myself. "Look."

Out of the mass of darkness that was this displaced soul a baseball appeared. It hovered in the air for a moment within the creature before dropping onto the table without a bounce. I looked up at the soul and nodded at him.

"What is it?" Kyon asked.

"It's a baseball Kyon, do try to keep up,"

"No I mean what was that...thing?"

"It's a Soul Kyon, a Human Soul," I replied.

"Why did it drop a baseball?"

"It's a clue for you," I said. "To help you figure out why Miss Suzumiya is so upset."

"But not for you?" He asked.

"No, I already know."

"And you're not going to tell me?"

"No"

"That's not fair."

I think the boy doth protest too much.

**THERE IS NO FAIR, THERE IS ONLY ME**, I said, quite fairly if I do say so myself. "ENOUGH of these distractions what happened in there?"

He tried to describe the events that followed my departure. I'm not going to repeat the description that he gave me because I suspect that most of it was downright lies. Instead I'm going to tell you what I think _really _happened.

* * *

><p>Kyon took twenty seven steps on the way to Haruhi's house, he knew how many steps there were because he was subconsciously counting them He'd been here before; this street, well not this street but the parallel one that had existed in Nagato's sub-universe. He wondered if Haruhi lived in that house in Nagato's universe, or even on that street. He remembered the house being much cleaner on the outside in the other dimension, with a newer coat of paint and two cars instead of one motorcycle. Despite the clutter of the house's outward appearance he had to admit it was very Haruhi, especially the motorcycle. The door gave a satisfying knock.<p>

"Don't bother taking your shoes off Nagaru, I'll be right down," she shouted out of her window. She looked out of her window and sighed. "Oh, it's you."

"Yo," Kyon said.

"What do you want?"

"You weren't at the brigade meeting today. I erm...erm...erm, I wanted to read you the minutes," He lied, badly.

"Oh...good," She said. "Come into the living room, take off your shoes. Don't sit on the couch I just cleaned it. If mom comes in just lie and tell her that your my boyfriend. She doesn't know about the SOS Dan"

"Okay,"

The Suzumiya living room was most definitely not what he had expected, but then again he had expected something that he hadn't expected; yellow walls, an old brown leather couch, two old green A small photograph on the wall caught his attention; a small, 12 year old Haruhi Suzumiya stood in the centre with her arms around her mother and father. It looked like they were at a baseball field, somewhere, they looked happy. Kyon smiled at the picture.

"So what happened?" Kyon turned to see Haruhi, who stood in the living rooms doorway. She looked nice, dressed to impress but angry as well. "Step away from that picture Kyon."

Kyon did so; she marched up to him. Kyon thought that she was going to walk right through him but she suddenly stopped. It wasn't that she ordered him to step away from the photograph, it was in the manner in which she had done it. He'd seen her annoyed and melancholic before but this time she was angry, furious even. Haruhi closely inspected the photograph.

"Thank you for not touching it," she said begrudgingly. "Now tell me what happened and be quick about it or I'm going to be late."

"Why weren't you at the brigade meeting today?" She looked at him for a moment, her face scrunched up unsure of whether to be happy or sad or vengeful. Then she snapped.

"That's none of your business Kyon! What are you even doing here? You didn't even take notes from the SOS Dan meeting did you? Oh, that's it Kyon. You've woken the dragon! How dare you ask me...Your brigade chief what I'm doing in my own damned time! I should have you whipped!" She raised her arm and pointed her finger at him. "I'll give you a brigade penalty so bad your descendants in the forty first millennium, the ones living on Phobos will still be doing work to make up for this. If I...I...I...Kyon?" He was gone, clutched by Death. Before she realised it Haruhi had already begun to warp reality.

* * *

><p>"So that's what happened?" I asked Kyon. Nemesis brought us our drinks. I looked at her and smiled. "Thanks dear," I said. She looked down at the given tip and smirked; charming woman. I always thought two coins was customary for Greeks?<p>

"Yes; I asked why she wasn't in the meeting and she jumped down my throat, " Kyon replied. "Is this safe to drink? I mean, it is from...here."

"What did you order?"

"Lemonade,"

"Don't let it touch your tongue," I replied. "Just...don't. Anyway, we're getting off topic again. This is bad, very bad. We had a day to avert the event but now we probably have less than an hour."

"Then why are we here?"

"Because she was going to erase you and I needed time to think," I replied. "Okay, I think we're going about this all wrong. I know what's bothering Haruhi, I also know that you are the only one that Haruhi really wants to talk to about said problem. Do you get me?"

"Why would Haruhi..."

"I can't believe I have to communicate in this fashion." I said quickly 'under my breath'. "Do you remember last December when you "woke up" from that "Coma" and Haruhi had been next to you those entire three days?"

"Yes, because she felt guilty about..."

NO! I stood up in anger. The assembled Higher Beings around the bar suddenly turned their attention to us. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND! WHY WERE YOU CHOSEN TO FOUND THAT CLUB OF YOURS? WHY DID SHE PULL YOU INTO HER DOMAIN THE LAST TIME SHE DID THIS?

"Because she...she...she..."

"You know exactly why she always calls you," I said.

Suddenly I felt a buzz travel down this form's spine. "Kyon, There isn't much time. I've got to return to Earth before it happens. If your friend Koizumi is right and the Universe is about to lose its God then it will also lose its Death. There's only one last chance if you want to keep the world that you know. I can't tell you anymore than I already have, you're going to have to figure out the rest for yourself. We have to go home, now!"

And then the Bar was gone, and we were back in our original dimension, or what Haruhi's fury would turn it into.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>__ Originally the bolded parts were supposed to be in small caps in the style of Terry Pratchett's Death in order to signify to the audience that Death was in his 'cloak and scythe' mode however formatting seems to have messed that up somewhat so I've just embolded those parts so that your aware of where they should be._

_Thank you very much for reading; I would be very grateful if you would please review._


	4. Chapter 3: ShiDono

**Chapter III: Shi-Dono**

* * *

><p>We found ourselves in the middle of a large baseball field. Kyon sighed as he saw the all too familiar sky of closed space; a cold, dead void that sat between destruction and re-creation. To him it was anathema; to me it was Thursday night.<p>

"It's, this looks really familiar," Kyon said. "I've been here before..."

"It should look familiar; it's the Hankyi Nishinomiya Stadium. You can see it from your school," I replied. "I remember it well."

"So you've been here before?"

"Once or twice," I said. I studied our surroundings for a moment in order to get my bearings. "Come on, we've got to go. I haven't got much time."

"This isn't like it was last time she did this, that was just the school."

He was right; this was much bigger than any proto-universe I had ever encountered. Let me explain, Anthropomorphic personifications, like me have an ability to create a small 'pocket' universe within the universe or if there is enough of us making an effort, just on the outside of it. In either case these pockets are normally very small: the largest I've encountered was only the size of a small field hockey field. The Domain that Haruhi was building was massive, miles and miles of pure potential reality.

"No...This is unlike anything I've ever encountered," I said as I ran my hand along the edge of this 'closed space'(to use familiar terminology).

We had to be careful of where we walked, this universe wasn't well defined. There was no whole shape; it seemed to be more like a tunnel or a series of tunnels rather than a self enclosed universe. "Come on, we haven't got much time."

It's very difficult for me to communicate ideas and concepts, for me you just know a concept and then that's it no questions asked. For you there are always more questions to ask, comparisons to do, studies to undertake; always more things to learn. I can't properly describe to you what this 'Closed Space' was like because you have nothing to compare it to but after a lot of time thinking about it (and a small poker game between myself, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Diogenes of Sinope and Serge Lang) I think the best comparison would be this.

Imagine a bubble, either in the air or on the floor. This bubble is as much part of your world as you are; anything inside has a clear line of sight to everything outside however it is impossible to actually get inside without damaging...no, this doesn't work. I'm sorry Albert, Isaac, Diogenes and Serge, your idea's not working. I'll stop trying to explain things.

"So have you had any more thoughts on...this situation?" I said as we left the stadium behind.

"I have," Kyon replied. "But as of yet I am unable to think of a reason or a correlation." How does this boy even dress himself in the morning? "Wait...this shouldn't be here." Kyon said.

He was right. I looked around and realised that the whole geography of the city was wrong. The old middle school, the one that Kyon and Haruhi once vandalised now stood across the street from the stadium.

"Clearly," I said. "It seems that she's thinking about a lot of things."

"What do you mean?" I was tired of explaining things to Kyon.

"Doesn't matter, come on we haven't got much time."

"Why is she doing this?" Kyon asked. "Why didn't you interfere earlier...or when she was younger so that she couldn't do any of this?"

"I couldn't have done anything if I had wanted to," I replied.

"You could have tried."

"And so could you Kyon. I'm powerful Kyon, Death; the anthropomorphic personification of Entropy given form and even I'm a weasel compared to her! Haruhi Suzumiya, arguably more powerful than anything else that has ever come before and anything after her and she listens to you! Onlyyou and when you do something like this...she's warping reality, changing the fundamental nature of the universe, wipe of whole civilisations, collapsed galaxies, a thousand times over, and all this Kyon, because she's afraid of you."

"What have I done to makes her so frightened?"

"It's not what you've done; it's what you might one day do."

"What is that?"

"She's afraid that one day that you'll leave her alone."

"No!" I turned around. "I've done everything you've told me to do and you've barely explained anything. I demand you tell me what you mean and why you're helping me!"

"Most people tend to treat me with a little more respect," I said calmly. Kyon shivered as he felt my cold hand crawl up his spine and reach around his neck.

"I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I'm"

"This conversation is over. Come on," I said. We continued on through the Middle School, Kyon took little notice as we walked. I'm sorry for reacting that way Kyon, and by extension the whole of mankind but the boy is something of a ditz.

I don't know where the human idea that school is scarier at night comes from. To me it's the school during the day that you have to worry about, what with all those cliques, cooties, displays, lunch ladies etc. Once you think about it its better not to see the school at all. Of course HP Lovecraft thought the same thing about the ocean and he had a perfectly normal psyche, right?

"Look out the window," I pointed out onto the playing field. Though it was dark outside and hard to see he could make out the outline of the message that Haruhi made him write in chalk all those years ago.

"That's the message I wrote to Vega and Altair in chalk four years ago!" Your powers of observation simply astound me Holmes. Now if only you could remember the date. "It's something to do with that time in her life, before I met her..." I do hope your starting to pull this together Kyon because I really can't tell you.

I lead Kyon through the middle school onto a road, but not the road outside the middle school. This road was the main one out of town. We didn't talk as we walked, we marched. We stopped at one point at an anomaly in the middle of the road; a burned out, upside down car. We stood there in silence, studying the wreck. Wind started to blow. Time was running out.

I think that Kyon was starting to get an idea of what had happened but I can't be sure when exactly he became fully aware of the events that had lead up to this incident. His inspection of the car was cold and calculating. Suddenly he walked closer to the burned out husk and bent down. Kyon's face turned white. He stood up and backed away.

"Shi-Dono, what is today's date?"

"By the Gregorian calendar the date would be July 6th 2006," I replied. He stood there in contemplation.

"I understand," Kyon said. "We should keep going."

Good man, that Kyon. Use your loaf.

The road between the car wreck and the graveyard was unremarkable, smooth and quiet and there wasn't much room for me to move about. It felt like walking through a very large, very dry sewer. We walked parallel to one another, slowly in a steady pace. To be honest it felt like we were both part of a two man funeral procession. That's funny: Death at a funeral.

"How long did you know?" Kyon asked me.

"Since the time of the event, July 7th 2002. I first became aware that Haruhi Suzumiya was special last year, when my sister told me of a very strange congruence of energy building around your planet."

"Was that Haruhi?"

"No. The congruence was your old friend Sasaki however they're fundamentally linked, if you can find one it's relatively easy to trace the other for beings such as me and my...siblings,"

"Like two sides of the same coin," he said.

"In a manner of speaking however the better metaphor might be if you could pull a coin apart, two sides of the same coin torn asunder. Each half of them part of the whole and both of them suffering because of it."

"Sounds hellish," he said.

"Not for them, I don't imagine they're aware of the connection...at least until they come into contact and then you might see some convergence."

"What is Haruhi really?" I stopped turned and smiled at my companion.

"A young woman Kyon, your friend,"

"Then what were they?"

"The being that Haruhi Suzumiya and Nozomi Sasaki was, she was beautiful and terrible and she is, was and ever shall be...my best mate," I said with a grin. I miss the old days when there were five of us.

Black clouds crept over the cold grey sky. Weather here at any time was bad but to be honest I have to admit, at the time I was happy that I had personified with a sweater and a large black jacket. I wasn't going to say anything about the weather though. I was going to leave these two for their moment.

"Kyon, when we get there you're going to have to speak to Haruhi yourself, I can't approach her yet," he nodded to me in understanding: clutching the baseball as we walked.

Across the graveyard Haruhi stood over an unremarkable grave. I'm sorry for saying that, it's a lie. There is no such thing as an unremarkable grave. At one time or another groups of people have given their loved ones a burial, a long lasting monument; a testament that they lived. That's beautiful to me, it really is. George Fabricius once said that great achievements build monuments that will stand until the sun grows cold. I'm sorry George, but you're dead wrong. Life is its own achievement; its own monument that will outlast the universe. I should know.

"Is this it?" Kyon asked me

"Yes," I said. "I think you know what to do."

She didn't pay any attention him as he approached. She kept her gaze fixed squarely on the haka. In this proto-universe she wasn't wearing a coat. Kyon pulled his own school jacket off and placed it over her shoulders. She finally looked up to Kyon in recognition. Though she was teary eyed she smiled at him.

"Thanks," she said. He joined her standing in front of the monument. She tried to pull herself together, but he could see straight through it. I'll give it to you Kyon, you're a smooth operator.

"There's a tissue in the breast pocket," he said quietly.

"If it's sticky Kyon I'll push that penalty up to the 51st millennium," the handkerchief was fresh but there was something else in another pocket, an old slightly worn out baseball. She looked at it and smiled.

"Thank you."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Taniguchi tell me?" Her face crumpled up; not a smile, not a sigh, not a laugh, not a cry, simply unsure.

"I... I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to know. Right after it happened I just went back to school and never made much of a fuss over it." They stood in silence for a little while, neither sure of the exact thing to say, neither of them wished to break the comfortable silence. She smiled at him, and then hugged him. He didn't flinch, didn't say anything; he just stood there and let her sob onto his shoulder.

And then Haruhi was going to be fine, all was right with the world.

* * *

><p>"That's none of your business Kyon! What are you even doing here? You didn't even take notes from the SOS Dan meeting did you? Oh, that's it Kyon. You've woken the dragon! How dare you ask me...Your brigade chief what I'm doing in my own damned time! I should have you whipped!" She raised her arm and pointed her finger at him. "I'll give you a brigade penalty so bad your descendants in the forty first millennium, the ones living on Phobos will still be doing work to make up for this. If I...I...I...Kyon...what was I talking about? I just had this strangest feeling that I was suddenly somewhere else," She honestly couldn't remember; all the fury that she had built up was gone, lost in memories and thoughts of a black sky and Kyon in a graveyard.<p>

She felt dizzy and so sat down.

"I'm sorry about today, and for yelling at you just now. Kyon, can you keep a..."

"Hey, is anybody home?" A man said as he entered the Suzumiya household. He was roughly the same height as Kyon but he was much older, about the same age as his mother if not slightly younger. He had Haruhi's distinctive brown eyes and a 5am shadow. "Or am I interrupting something? Should I go wait in the car?"

"No! You are not interrupting anything Nagaru!" Haruhi replied.

"That is Uncle Nagaru-kun, sama, sempai or sensei. No, actually from now on call me Nagaru-dono," He retorted.

"You'll be a dono when I'll be a general."

"Oh really?" Nagaru said with a grin on your face. "When you'll be a General, I'll be an Emperor!"

It was strange for Kyon to look at the two Suzumiya's argue like this; it was playful but Kyon could tell that it would get serious if neither of them backed down.

"Hi Nagaru-Chan I saw your car turning in and...er what's going on?"

"Tell her to call me Uncle and to use honorifics!"

"Tell him that I say no and double no!"

"No," Mrs Suzumiya said. "I mean, who's this guy?"

"Yeah, Haruhi-Sama, who's the slack jawed yokel?"

"I'm not a slack jawed..." Kyon thought. "My name is-"

"-This slack jawed yokel," Haruhi interrupted Kyon. "...Is Kyon from school."

"Oh," both elder Suzumiya's said in perfect tandem; greatly disturbing Kyon in the process.

"Haruhi, what exactly have you told your family about me?" Kyon thought to himself.

"We were going out for dinner for the anniversary, family affair you see" Mrs Suzumiya said shakily. "So erm...I'm afraid that you'll have to le..."

"Let me borrow you my work suit. It's a nice restaurant and you won't get in wearing your school uniform," Nagaru Suzumiya interrupted his sister in law.

"What?"

"Well that was what you were going to say, wasn't it?" Mrs Suzumiya read the look on her daughter's face and gave a small smile.

"Yes," she replied. "Yes of course. That is if it's all right with Haruhi."

"Well..." Haruhi said. "We can't expect to have to pay for him and off course, he is a guest so it's only right that he should pay for me off course, because I invited him..."

"I didn't even say I wanted to come," Kyon thought to himself whilst Haruhi concluded negotiations with herself.

"Kyon, are you even listening?" Haruhi asked. "Nagaru wants to know what size shoe you wear..."

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**Thank you very much for reading; I would be very grateful if you would please review.**


	5. Chapter 4: Kyon, thanks for everything

**Chapter IV: Kyon, thanks for everything**

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><p>"How's the Crispy chicken tonight?" I asked Kyon on the outside of the Shinshanhai restaurant, Haruhi and family still inside; clearly visible through the window.<p>

"Spicy," he replied. "Why? Do you even eat?"

"Only the souls of warmongers and people who talk in the theatre," I replied. "How's the evening going?"

"Awkward."

"I can't imagine," I really couldn't. I'm Death, it doesn't affect me. I have no idea what anniversaries of deaths go. I imagine cats have no idea either.

"They haven't said anything about him yet, Haruhi's mother won't stop asking me about my family whilst her Uncle won't stop talking about his job,"

"That's good," I said.

"How?"

"What, oh no: I was listening in on their conversation ," I said.

"What are they talking about?"

"You mostly, your mother in law..."

"Mrs Suzumiya..."

"Mrs Suzumiya asked if you were a smoker: Haruhi vouched for you, Nagaru Suzumiya backed Haruhi up,"

"Why would they think I'm a smoker?"

"You've been standing outside for a minute without moving," I said. "And before you ask they can't see me, so if they look in this direction it looks like you're talking to yourself,"

"Great," Kyon said and rubbed his face. "Well at least that's all over now."

"It's not 'all over' Kyon,"

"What?" He chuckled to himself. "Surely...you mean that I've got two years left of high school."

"No," I replied. "You've planted the idea now you have to water it."

"Plant the idea? What is this, Inception?"Kyon said, perhaps a little too loudly: in the restaurant Mrs Suzumiya's ears perked.

"Your condescension, as always, is much appreciated, Kyon." I don't think he enjoyed my little joke. "I'm not going to lie, Kyon you've done an exemplary job tonight-"

"-But"

"-But tonight is not the anniversary, tomorrow is. If we continue on this course we'll be in the exact same place as we were tomorrow night. We must avert this if I wish to avoid doing work and you wish to avoid a new universe,"

"I see," he replied. "What do I need to do?"

* * *

><p>Eventually the awkward dinner came to an end and the Suzumiya's (and Kyon) left the restaurant feeling full and in Kyon's case a little bloated. Haruhi and her family made their way to the car, unaware of the horrors that would be repeated if they did such an action. Kyon knew though, Kyon was clever. Kyon had listened to me. I wish more of you would listen to me I'd have much less work to do and you'd all be much happier.<p>

"Actually," he said. "I think I'll walk home. It's a beautiful night for it." Nagaru turned around and gave the boy a look that seemed to ask 'Are you insane?'

"Are you insane?" Nagaru Suzumiya asked. "We're in the middle of the city and its 9pm at night. You're going to get yourself mugged...or killed, or mugged and killed."

"I'll be fine," Kyon persisted.

"Don't be stupid-"

"-I can't allow a brigade member to risk himself needless. Kyon, I'll accompany you home,"

"No Haruhi," Mrs Suzumiya interrupter her daughter. "It's way too dangerous for either of you. Kyon if you want we'll wait with you for a taxi-"

"-We'll be fine Mrs Suzumiya," Kyon said jovially.

"Yeah mom, we'll be fine."

"But, no-"

"-Okay," Nagaru Suzumiya interrupted. He turned his attention to his sister in law."It's dark but there are only safe neighbourhoods between here and home and after everything that she's told us about Kyon do you think that he'd allow Haru-Haru to come to any harm?" I don't know why he used that nickname, she hated it. He knew it and so did Kyon. Maybe he used it to reference some unknown event?

"But," Mrs Suzumiya tried to argue. She looked Kyon up and down before finally relenting. "Just be safe," she said with a weak smile. "Have her back before twelve."

"I will."

"Okay," Nagaru Suzumiya said. He hugged his niece and said something in her ear. She went red and they broke off the hug. "Well, it's been fun. See you again," He then turned his attention to Kyon. He smiled and gave the now uncomfortable young man a bear hug.

"I've already lost my brother. If you lose my niece I'll kick your ass so hard you'll feel it on your nose." He really could by the way. I've seen this man take down four Kidon Operational Case Officers with nothing but a tea cup.

"Fair enough," Kyon replied as they broke the hug.

They waved as Haruhi's uncle and mother left in Nagaru's car. It was dark, if not for the street lights and the occasional neon advertisement it would've been complete pitch black.

"It sure is dark tonight," she said.

"Yeah," he replied. He looked at her uncomfortably for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Haruhi, why didn't you ever tell me? You always say that we...I mean the brigade shouldn't keep secrets from one another so why did you?"

"I...I-"

"It's alright, You don't have to tell me if you don't have t-"

"-Kyon, because I liked it. I lied so that I could pretend that he was still alive."

"What happened?"

"Tanabata, Kyon. I erm...that night that I met John Smith, I snuck out and dad came to look for me. There was a car crash, someone...on the other lane had a seizure and he...died Kyon. Kyon, he died and it was my fault. It's...all...my-"

"-No it's not," Kyon interrupted her. He turned and put his hands on her shoulders. "It's no one's fault. You had no idea that it would happen. Neither did your dad, neither did the other driver."

"But, if I hadn't gone out that night-"

"-and if you saw blue whilst going really fast it would be green. Haruhi. You couldn't have done anything different."

"I guess," She said. Her eyes scanned the tall buildings and gave a slight chuckle. "Kyon, I think we better start walking again. The old woman in the window is looking at us."

They walked through the city in complete silence for a little while. It was unusually quiet for that particular part of the city in that time of the year but neither of them recognised it or cared at that time. I wonder what Kyon would say if he knew that I was protecting them and whispering to any that would interrupt them to leave the area well enough alone. Nothing harsh, you see but if you heard me whispering in your ear you'd do what I say too.

"Is that your old middle school?" Kyon asked as they crossed the street, near the edge of the inner city limits.

"Yeah, yeah it is," she replied. "Why?"

"Come on," he said as he took her hand and lead her closer to her old school. Soon enough they found a fence that separated the playing fields from the rest of the school. "Come on, I'll give you a boost."

"Kyon, no. I am not breaking into my own ex-middle school."

"As to the perfectly legal act of breaking into it when you were a student?"

"I had a valid excuse, and this is illegal...and immoral and-"

"You have a problem with this?"

"No, not really I just thought that someone should be the voice of the moral high ground," she said as she put her foot on his hands. "Give me a boost!"

With his help she managed to pull herself over the steel and plastic fence. She landed on the floor feet first.

"I honestly did not think that that would actually be possible in that dress," he said.

"You'd be surprised what people can do in dresses, have you ever heard of William Wallace?"

"He wore a kilt," Kyon protested. In actual fact the assumption that William Wallace wore a kilt is a historical inaccuracy. Back then the Scottish wore something akin to shorts. ]

"Don't rip my uncle's suit!" She said as he pulled himself over the fence. I've got to be honest and say that I was impressed that he could do it singlehandedly, and I think Haruhi was as well.

"If you can jump like that how come you play baseball like a drunken leprechaun after a two night spill of 'looking for lucky charms' in all the worst bars?"

"I'm like batman," he shrugged it off. "I'm much better at life at night."

"Yeah...right," she said. "What do we do now?"

"Let's have a walk through the grounds. That way if we get caught we can just laugh it off and say that we're looking for a dog. "

"Kyon, that's stupid." She said. "Let's say that we're hunting for aliens!"

"How about we thought we saw an alien that looked like a dog," he offered.

"I don't like compromising, "she said. "But it will have to do."

They walked through the grounds was gentle and quiet, a gentle breeze blew through the field.

"So, what was he like?" Haruhi smiled.

"He was a pitcher for the Hanshin Tigers," she said, her eyes gazed over as memories of endless hours spent outside throwing baseballs at her father rushed back. "We were...we'd spend hours outside when I was a kid, just playing catch. He was a good person."

"That makes sense," he said and pointed to her head with his free hand "The yellow ribbon."

"Ah," she replied. "Yeah."

"What's that?" Kyon said as he went off running towards the edge of the playing field.

"What the-" Haruhi said as she followed him across the field. "What the hell? Wow, Kyon let's play."

"But you're wearing a dress...it's the middle of the night, we'll lose the balls. You're uncle will be very annoyed if you get home after twelve-"

"I don't care, batter up!" she exclaimed with glee as she strapped the helmet on. She handed him the bat before grabbing the small bucket of balls.

"But-"

"Kyon, it's providence!"

"Alright," he relented and took the bat in hand."Hey! That's my helmet! What do I use if you throw the ball at my head?"

"If my balls go anywhere near your head you should feel lucky that they decided to grace your skull with their presence!" I wonder if Haruhi realised that she just made such a large double entendre. I doubt Kyon noticed, probably too worried about his own head. Anyway, don't worry Kyon, I have no intention of taking your soul. At the worst we'll end up back in that bar whilst your body gets looked at by the people in maintenance.

"Yare yare," he said. "Okay, take fifteen steps that way" He pointed to the field.

"No" she said and pointed in the opposite direction, in front of the building. "You go that way."

"But, but if I hit it in that direction the window...alright," he gave up and took his place facing the school. She did the same.

"Hey...batter batter batter batter!"

Humans, you're a strange species. You've got powers of communication beyond all other species on your tiny little world and yet, most of the time you don't use them. In most cases you skirt around a topic when simply talking about it will bring inevitable catharsis. Some of you are perfectly able to deal with grief alone, and I as Death respect you for that. But, I'm sorry to say that Haruhi Suzumiya was not such a person and her belief that she was only did harm to the universe and ultimately, herself.

But she didn't have to be alone during her grief, didn't have to let it fester and spill out for the entire world to see; she had Kyon and her mother and her family. I'm happy that my own laziness brought me into contact with Kyon and Haruhi Suzumiya because I was able to help someone who really needed it. I wish more of you would talk to people, because inevitably that would mean that I wouldn't have to meet most of you as early as I do. I can't help everyone but I hope that now that Haruhi has talked to someone she'll influence the rest of you.

What happened next to Haruhi and Kyon? Did they break a window, end up getting arrested and have to wait for Haruhi's uncle to bail them out, or did they tell each other the truth? Did Kyon get her back home before the carriage turns back to a pumpkin? Did that suit (which was very nice by the way) end up getting ripped?

I'm not going to tell you, I still provide a service to people and as such have my own personal morals like a Doctor or a Lawyer does. People die and I'm the one that has to care for you. I won't break the trust that we've built up.

I will tell you one secret about that night however. Once the baseball game had ended, and the fence had been climbed once again and everything was over Haruhi whispered something into her friend's ear, something that he had always wanted to hear and something that I think we all need now and again;

"Kyon, thanks for everything."

* * *

><p>If you wish to continue there is a 500 word Omake and a 500 word Author's notes on the next page. This has been a very fun project, thank you very much for reading. I would be very grateful if you would please review.<p> 


	6. omake and author's notes

**Omake and Author's notes**

* * *

><p><strong>Omake: Three Heavenly Kings (and their sister; the Heavenly Queen).<strong>

It was nine o'clock on the Saturday after Tanabata, the Bar on the End of the Universe was quickly filling up with patrons from all over the various pantheons. Three Anunnaki stood on the stage, butchering a version of 'Piano man' whilst the various gods, fays, spirits and associated anthropomorphic personifications made merry throughout the establishment. In the far corner from the stage, near to the pool table three brothers and a sister sat under a light playing a most strange game.

"Okay, I've got five kings. Whose calling?" said the sister, a beautiful young woman with flowing red hair and deep blue eyes.

"But I've just rolled a six," said her younger brother; a tall thin man.

"These rules don't make any sense," complained a third sibling. He scratched his nose.

"Well I wanted to play chess, "Death interjected.

"You can't play with four people," War replied and set her cards onto the table. "and besides-"

"-I don't know the rules," Famine said. "Is anyone else really hungry all of a sudden?"

"You're always 'suddenly hungry', it's a wonder you remain as thin as you do," Pestilence said.

"Yeah, well at least I don't ask for tissues every five minutes...for 'wiping your nose',"

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm the anthropomorphic personification of Pestilence, Plague of-"

"Where: the British county of Wankashire?"

"That's it, you and me outside, now!" Pestilence stood up in anger. His seat fell to the floor.

"Guys, calm down," War said to her brothers. Death looked on approvingly. "It's Saturday night, we're out. Can we not be civilised for once?"

The siblings looked at each other disapprovingly for a moment before stepping back from total annihilation.

"This isn't going to work," Famine said.

"It's worked for the past thirteen billion years," War added.

"I mean the game. It's not going to work as long as well keep on making up new rules every round,"

"What's happening over there? Who's coming in?"

In the corner of the room energy began to convalesce. It swirled about until it converged into Kyon's shape.

"Kyon, over here!" Death shouted. Kyon treaded closely with the eyes of all those Gods on him, waiting for him to make a mistake.

"Yo," Kyon said as he approached the table where the four horsemen were playing their ridiculous game.

"Sorry about this Kyon, you've been sort of 'tethered' to me," Death said. "It will wear off in a while but until then you might end up here whenever you fall asleep. Like when Haruhi dragged you into her closed space."

"That's well and good but are you going to introduce us?" War asked. "You already know my brother Death Kyon, I'm the loveliest; War and these two idiots are Pestilence and Famine, my older and younger brother respectfully."

"Yo," Kyon said and sat down. "So how long am I going to be here?"

"I'll drop you off in a little while," Death replied. "A game of cards first?"

"Sure, you're shuffling?"

"Off course; now remember Kyon, play fairly. You can't cheat Death," War said. In the corner the two brothers were taking bets on who would win.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's notes<strong>_

**Well, I didn't see it going like that! The ending was a lot more WAFFy than I had originally intended it to be but I think at heart I'm an unrepentant Haruhi/Kyon shipper (even if both of them do think of Mikuru Asahina whenever the Marvin Gaye song 'Sexual Healing' comes on the radio) and I think this came in as a more physical side of the Angst/Healing genre as a result of that. It's still a fairly strong story however, even if it does divulge genre a bit. **

**Technically now this story is AU because of course in either cannon Haruhi's father is not a pro baseball player, nor is he dead but I've tried to fit it into the cannon as best I can (I don't like to diverge too much), I've rationalised the whole thing with Haruhi's father as her being something of a very private person and it's just not something that she wants to talk to people about. This is a behavioural characteristic which I've noticed in my cousins since my uncle's death so that sort of came from that. **

**I'm slightly worried that this chapter makes the characters look slightly out of character, and so that's something that I'd like to hear your opinions on. Nagaru Suzumiya (whom is named after series creator Nagaru Tanigawa) was envisioned as another one of Haruhi's modifications to the universe-essentially I created him as a cross between Doctor Who and James Bond and I like to imagine that his job within the Haruhi-verse is something similar to the latter's. This is based off of my own belief as a child that my uncle was a spy (he was actually at cooking school). It's interesting to note that the Kidon is a (supposedly) real section of the MOSSAD which specialises in Black Ops and such like if you've ever seen NCIS you'll be familiar with them. The fact that Nagaru was able to take out a whole team of them just shows you how good he is at his job. **

**I didn't want to develop Mrs Suzumiya in case later stories make her completely different to what I imagined her to be (as has happened to the brilliant 'Meet the Suzumiya's'). In case you're wondering I imagine that she's the one who owns the motorcycle because of a fear of cars she developed after her husband's death. **

**I'm sort of tickled that Microsoft word doesn't recognise my colour/physics joke as grammatically correct. If you haven't gotten it it's a play on the Doppler Effect wherein the faster one speeds the 'redder' the colour would appear on the colour spectrum. That's how I understand it anyway. **

**The Hanshin Tigers are a real baseball team that operates in the general vicinity of ****Nishinomiya Japan, where the series takes place. All geographic locations mentioned are real places, and the restaurant mentioned does serve crispy chicken (it's very good as well).**

**This project has been extremely fun and has given me tons of cool ideas for a sequel, something from Kyon's point of view this time I think with a more 'epic scope'. I think with this project it was about replicating grief without going through the five stages step by step and I think for my next project I'm going to go for something much happier (not that emotional catharsis isn't happy off course). **

**Please note that I am British (which is where the term 'use your loaf' comes from) so if I've gotten something wrong regarding baseball terminology or rules I'm very sorry. **

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><p><strong>Anyway, thank you for reading my story. It has been a pleasure to write for you. Thank you very much for reading; I would be very grateful if you would please review.<br>**


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